Death and Jeff

3 characters

Jeff
Death
Man

interior apartment

Jeff takes out a sandwich and starts making it as a couple of credits roll, the title hits, a couple of actors and what not, finally Jeff finishes his sandwich and sits down on the couch. The moment he sits the doorbell rings.

Jeff: Come in!

The doorbell rings again.

Jeff: (louder) Come in!

(pause)

Jeff gets up and opens the door to find Death standing at the door, he's the stereotypical looking death, black cloak with scythe.

Death: Hello Jeff. (beat) I'm death.

Jeff blinks and stares.

Death: May I come in?

Jeff: (confused) Sure.

Jeff steps back and invites Death in he gestures to a couch, Death sits down, Jeff sits back in his seat, and looks at his sandwich.

Death: Oh, I'd eat up if I were you, you know it's better to die on a full stomach and all.

Jeff: So you're here to kill me?

Death: Yeah (chuckles), though I must admit, I'm a little early, we've got about five minutes or so.

awkward pause

Jeff: So how am I supposed to die?

Death: Well... by me of course. That's why I'm here.

(beat)

Jeff: Well can I get you anything? I think we have some soda.

Death: No Thanks, no stomach (Death gestures towards where his stomach would be and chuckles)

Jeff: Right, heh heh. (Beat) Uh, so are all your killings this awkward? Heh heh.

Death: Pretty much.

A loud thump is heard against the front door. Then a loud "Dammit" is heard from outside.

Death: Well Jeff, (death looks at where a watch would be if he were wearing one) it looks like it's time.

Scraping is heard at the door and then the doorbell rings numerous times. Death looks unphased as he gets up and starts towards Jeff, the doorknob twists and the door opens revealing a disheveled man wearing a black robe, much the same fashion as Death.

Man: No Death Don't!

Death stops confused and looks at the man.

Man: I know this is going to sound weird but you can't kill this man.

Death: Of course I can.

Death turns back and goes for Jeff again.

Death: After all I'm Death.

Man: No! Death you don't understand, you can't kill this man, because your life depends on it.

Death looks at the man deflated

Death: Now that's just ridiculous. (beat) Do I know you?

Man: Yes! Yes you do, you see, (He leans in closer) I'm you, Death, I'm Death, from the future. (pause)

Death: (beat) What?!?

Man: I'm serious, I know this is hard to understand, but I'm you Death, I'm Death! I came back from the future, to stop you from killing this man. (Beat)

Death: Did my dad put you up to this?

Man: No! I can prove it, so you know that one time, when you were going to kill Kelly Saunders by plunging your hand into her heart, but you accidently tripped, and you fell on her foot, and her ankle buckled and she fell over you and hit her head on a coffee table and died, and you thought you had screwed up even though you still killed her. But then you went on to tell everyone that you still got her in the heart! And you never told anyone you made a mistake! Now how could I know all that happened if I wasn't you!

They both look at each other, Jeff takes another bite of his sandwich.

Man: Look, I know this is a lot to take in, but what's important is that you don't kill this man, if you do, everything will go wrong, nothing will work right, you'll be doomed to eternal torment! The memo! The memo was wrong, it's not this guys time to die, you have to believe me!

Death takes a letter out of his pocket and looks at it.

Man: See! It's that memo, you can't go through with it.

Death: So let me get this straight, you're me?

Man: Yes!

Death: From the future?

Man: Yes!

Death: Well now isn't that just the darndest thing, it looks like “Death from the future” is on this memo too, and it looks like it's your time to go as well.

Man: What? No, it can't be.

Death: Yup, (chuckles) clear as day, just appeared here too, must have been written here from the future too, to stop you from stopping me.

Man: No... That can't be possible.

Death: Of course it can. I mean you came from the future to screw up the past why can't someone else?

Man: No! Death! If you kill me you'll be killing yourself!

Death: Sorry guy, I gotta follow the memo, if you were smart you would have changed the memo in the first place.

Man: What?

Death: Sorry guy.

Death plunges his hand into the face opening on the cloak, the man struggles for a moment before falling to the ground. Death then turns back to Jeff who has now eaten half his sandwich. Jeff looks at death then to the memo in his hand.

Jeff: Wait a second, death from the fututre's name isn't on that memo! You were lying to him.

Death: Yeah (chuckles) well, who ever said Death wasn't a bastard.

Death chuckles to himself and then slowly waves his hand over Jeff's face effectively killing him. Death then walks out the door closing it behind him.

End.